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Music (my therapist)...

 thee sound of music... can be very therapeutic... it relives your past... explains your presence... then talks about your future... music reveals thee bad... thee good... in yourself... it speaks to you... from different preference of life... but sometimes... at some point... it could hurt... and heal you... at thee same time... but... it never lies to you... music is a drug... a never ending overdose... when you have nobody... to talk to... or anybody to listen... thee sound of music.. will just do both.... music has saved my life... to be honest... I don't know where I would be... without thee sound of beautiful music... so to those... who think there's nobody out there... who would listen to them... just know... thee sound of beautiful music... will talk and listen to you.... at all times... thee world would be a better place... if everybody had some beautiful music... in their ears....
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911

-calls 911- "911 what's your emergency?" there's really no emergency, just need to vent... "you don't have family or friends?" they don't understand my feelings sometimes i don't really tell them how i truly feel or what i'm going through "why is that sir?" i don't want them to worry about me for thee wrong reasons i hide my pain with a fake smile... i think my thoughts out loud, with no sound "do you feel people only hear and don't listen?" People only hear your heart but won't listen to your pain some people think you're selfish when you chose peace over stress you see, I let my feelings keep my pain silent for 2 years now I must let it be heard "would doing this make you feel better?" to be honest, i don't know, you won't get results if you don't try right? I've become a different person thee separation i'm trying to distance myself from pain so i can gwt closer to peace if ...
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Life After Separation...

I never thought... after I left... it would be thee last time... I would see your face... was it better for me.... worse for you... or ever vice versa... but I know... I couldn't disturb your peace... but you see... you created this monster... you tried to control this monster... but when this monster.... was howling for help... you turned thee other way... every day... I covered my depression... with a 16oz can... you sat there... day in and out.... and watch me destroy myself... you laughed in my face... you believe in rumors... that you didn't see... when I wanted to talk... you wanted to argue.... when things wasn't going your way... that's when you stopped caring... I tried to be your husband... I tried to change for you... I tried to just be a better person... not even after 2 years... not one of you muthafukkas... picked up a phone to see where I was... not one... but i'm thee bad person... fukk y'all.... to be continued....
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just some thoughts....

honestly... I can't even... explain to you... without getting emotional... on how I made it... this far... going through a divorce... having to quit my job... last year... being homeless... no food for days... finally getting a job... living from hotel to hotel.. even at times... when I didn't have money for a room... I would... end up... sleeping outside the hotel... going to work... risking that my stuff might get stolen... but somehow... a few months ago... I manage to get myself... my own place... this is just the beginning... with that being said... please take this ride with me... to a much better life... dive into the mind of a cancer... the good... the bad... lets make some memories together... I love you all... 
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